Three nuns were talking. The first nun said, “I was cleaning in Father’s room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines.” “What did you do?” the other nuns asked. “Well, of course I threw them in the trash.” The second nun said, “Well, I can top that. I was in Father’s room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms!” “Oh my!” gasped the other nuns. “What did you do?” they asked. “I poked holes in all of them!” she replied. The third nun fainted.
Archive for March, 2010
Three nuns talking
Wednesday, March 24th, 2010Deep-sea diver
Monday, March 22nd, 2010A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him.
He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, “How the hell can you stay down this deep without equipment?”
The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, “You asshole, I’m drowning.”
A dwarf in the elevator
Sunday, March 21st, 2010A dwarf gets on an elevator and pushes the button to go up, just before the door closes, a hand comes through and opens the door. In steps a very large black man.
The dwarf stares and says “You’re the biggest man I have ever seen”.
The man nods his head, and replies “I’m 6-9, weigh 259 lbs., and I have 16 inches, I’m Turner Brown.”
The dwarf faints! After coming too, the dwarf asks the man to repeat himself. So he does, “I said I’m 6 – 9, 259 lbs., with 16 inches, my name is Turner Brown.”
The dwarf looked relieved and started laughing. “For a minute there, I thought you said ‘Turn Around’.”
Dirty little Matt
Saturday, March 20th, 2010Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.
“Yeah teach?” he replies.
“If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?” asks the teacher.
Matt answers “Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off.”
“No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you’re thinking.” the teacher responds.
“Well, teach, I’ve got a question for you… There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlor, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?”
The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, “Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that’s sucking on the ice cream.”
Matt replies “No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking!”
Four kinds of sex
Friday, March 19th, 2010There are four kinds of sex :
HOUSE SEX – When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.
BEDROOM SEX – After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.
HALL SEX – After you’ve been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say “FUCK YOU”
COURTROOM SEX – When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you’ve got!